Kids grow up fast. Their schedules pick up. They start to develop friendships along with other relationships that come naturally with day to day living. They are learning how to express themselves. And, everything moves at (what seems like) lightening speed pace. What scares me most is the fact that there are so many more triggers darting for our children’s attention than we ever had to pay attention to growing up. Not to say that we didn’t have these things to worry about… just saying that it feels like technology, media, just the fact that times are changing. The one thing I want my sweet baby girl to know is that she can talk to me about ANYTHING! I know that sounds cliche’. Don’t all parents say this? Don’t we all realize that these kids don’t want to talk to us about everything? The answer is yes, I realize that it can be a difficult thing to keep communication flowing with kids (ESPECIALLY teens and pre-teens). Some topics can become uncomfortable for parents and kids the same. But, in our house we have made a commitment to talk with each other. Weeeeelllll… I will say we make an honest effort to communicate. This doesn’t always start with a verbal conversation. Sometimes we need a buffer. For us that buffer is the ‘Family Book’ I started a special book for our family awhile back. It started out as a place for just my daughter and me to write our thoughts down; but, she quickly decided that she wanted dad to be included too. She was only 10 years old when we started this process. We all write down different thoughts, feelings, question, concerns, even notes of encouragement in the book. We all read the book and respond to each other. The book makes it easier to talk about some important things. We each write in different colors so we can easily spot a new entry into the book. Normally, once one of us writes in the book we will give it to the person who should read it next. We may even leave it in a space where we know the person will see (like on the bed). That always seems to be a nice surprise for us all, especially if there is a note of encouragement, celebration or good news inside.
3 Ways To Make The Book Most Effective
- Don’t make this a mandatory thing for the kids. Don’t set deadlines for them to write or make specific writing times for them. Let them express themselves in their own time. Encourage them to use the book by making sure the positive words are flowing. Sandwich things you want them to work on between positive things you have noticed from them.
- Try not to ask too many questions at one time. I try to only ask one or two questions at a time. This way the child has an opportunity to elaborate on the question, the thought, the feeling and what he/she really wants to say. The conversations in this book can be ongoing. You can start with a simple question that receives a simple answer (Q: how was you day today? A: fine….) and if you want to dig deeper, ask a followup (Q: What was the highlight of the day? A: During math class we…). Then take it from there. Keep the conversation going.
- One book… One kid… If your family has more than one child, I would recommend using one book for each child in order to keep the conversations that need to be kept private in this special place where you can have the conversations.
The great thing is that this book system can work for kids of most ages. The concept can even work for adults who want another way to connect. Try it for the special people in your life. Be sure to leave a comment to share your thoughts. I would love to hear what you think about this.
You saw what our book looks like CLICK HERE to grab yours!
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